The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
