your thong is hanging out like whoa
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
