tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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