accomplished twins. life is a go
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
