I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
