is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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