I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
