Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
