1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
