another moral hangover. fuck.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
