Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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