I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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