I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
