1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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