i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Floor bacon is actually really good
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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