remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
