I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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