Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
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I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
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Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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