I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
