have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
