I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
