Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
