Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
