btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's never too late to be topless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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