people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize