I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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