I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
