it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
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We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
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Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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