No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
