Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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