when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
