OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
