Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
