Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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