i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
