i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
