great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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