we should wear snuggies to the strip club
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
