My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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