somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
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hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
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Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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