i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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