weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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