yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
