atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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