dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
