he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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