If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
