Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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