Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
