Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
