YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
