It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
