we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
