There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
