Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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