New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
