We're facebook friends in real life
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
