My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
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The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
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Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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