i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We're too hungover to prance.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
