Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
